In the Waiting…
Sue’s Note: Thanks again to Stephen Robinson for sharing his Ironman story with so much honesty and vulnerability. Disappointment and waiting are challenges to which all of us can relate. I believe my friend’s words will challenge you even as they have challenged me.
In the days and weeks that followed Ironman Coeur d’Alene, I was inconsolable. My wife Jamara, my biggest supporter in this journey, didn’t know what to do with me. My laid-back, don’t-take-life-too-seriously approach was gone, replaced with my zombie-like demeanor. Many nights I woke with the recurring dream of lying in the grass, surrounded by my wife and girls, crying, realizing my day was over.
Many sleepless nights I wrestled over my decision to stop when I did. Two questions couldn’t be avoided:
Should I have kept going?
If I had pushed through the pain, would I have finished?
I took consolation in knowing not a single friend nor medical profession has questioned my decision. Everyone helped me realize that while it is an individual sport, the decision to stop was made for my family. That is a decision I don’t regret now and don’t think I ever will!
For a fleeting moment, I toyed with signing up for Ironman California. While my family was behind me, a thought kept nagging at me. I felt perhaps I was rushing it, that maybe there was something I was supposed to learn in my DNF (Did Not Finish). The decision to sign up for another Ironman made sense in my head. I was still in great shape, so why not? It felt sensible, but under the rationale, an undeniable feeling persisted. On some deep level, I knew that to do so would be robbing me of something the Lord was trying to teach me through all of this.
“In their heart’s humans plan their course,
but the Lord establishes their steps.” - Proverbs 16:9 (NIV)
Waiting has been tough! As weeks and months pass, it becomes easier to let go of the pain as I look ahead to what is next. I’m learning that sometimes in the waiting is where the Lord reveals His plan for our lives.
Over these past few months, I found myself searching for answers, wondering what I am supposed to learn through this experience. One lesson I have learned is that my timing and God’s timing rarely line up. During devotional times this summer, I was studying in Isaiah, and the words in this verse jumped off the page:
“But those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.”
- Isaiah 40:31 NIV
While I’ve taken time to rest, I have focused on waiting on the Lord. For me this looks like being intentional about my time in His Word, slowing down long enough to be still and listen. If you know me, you know this isn’t an easy task!
Please know I don’t get this right every day. I’m discovering how to allow myself some grace to miss a day, rather than rush to catch up, and I just move on to the next day. It is something I learned during my IM training that is helpful in my time in the Word. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Life happens. Just keep looking ahead. I treat my time in the Word like a workout and never regret it once I am done. In fact, I always feel better and more confident as I approach the day ahead.
You may be wondering what is next for me. My incredibly supportive wife suggested I register for the 70.3 Ironman in Coeur d’Alene in June as a warmup to Ironman Waco in October 2022. No sooner were the words out of her mouth, and I was online getting signed up. After 18 years of marriage, I have learned when it’s my wife’s idea, it’s probably best to go with it!
I hope my story will help you find encouragement to just go with what you are feeling called by the Lord to do. His timing may not make sense in the moment, but don’t rush it! Simply be patient and see what adventure God has for you.
I pray the Lord blesses you in your waiting,
